It was a hot June day in 2011. My wife and I had been parents for just four days.
I suppose by this time I had become pretty settled with the idea that America as a whole had shifted away from the “real” experience of racism of a previous generation. Blacks were serving as CEO’s, excelling in higher education, and had even been elected POTUS. Sure. Racism reared its head from time to time in ugly episodes, but I thought that most perceived racism was just leftover from the tensions of another era.
We chose an unusual path to parenthood, in part because we took seriously the call of the Scripture to care for orphans. We became foster parents with the intent of eventually adopting. We had marked on a form that we were open to children of any race, but I don’t think we understood how significant that would be for our lives. So when they called us to receive our first child into our home, our concerns about becoming parents were much greater than our concerns about becoming a bi-racial family. (Rightfully so, parenting still seems more difficult to me than having a bi-racial family.)
Our first weekend together we were on our way to a birthday party and had to stop to get a last minute addition to our gift. We had to stop at a store that was in a town not far from our own. That town had a long and well-known history of racism. So as we got out of the car to walk into the store, I began to run scenarios through my head. What might I do if someone in this store makes a racist remark to this boy that has been given to my care? Should I just ignore it as if the comments don’t matter? Surely I cannot let that be OK for my new son. Should I confront the racist jerk and tell them how ludicrous their comments are? I couldn’t imagine what I might say. Would I just respond with violence and stand up against injustice? That didn’t seem like a Christian response and no one likes to go to jail.
It took a couple days before I realized the significance of that shopping run. For the first time in my life, I had a sense for what it was like everyday for my black friends. They regularly have to make decisions about whether they will defend their honor and stand up to racism or shrink back again from the threat of violence and its consequences.
The instances of violent responses are the only ones that we hear about in the news. But every trip to the store in “that part of town” results in our black friends wondering if today will be the day that they will face a decision about their response. It’s no surprise to me that some people respond with violence when faced with the choice of having their dignity stripped or acting out on their own behalf. That doesn’t excuse violence but it does explain it.
(The best response that I have seen to this article comes from an African woman that recounts her experiences of hatred and fear while regularly running through her white Georgia town. If you want to hear more about how one act of racism creates the fear of another, then her story is a good one.)
It’s true that racism in our country does not mean that people of color won’t be hired for any job. We no longer need bus boycotts and lunch counter sit-ins.
For those of us for whom thinking about race is an optional matter, we have to be very careful about touting the advances in racial matters. Things are better than they were even a generation ago. But the realities are still there. I don’t think we can continue to pretend that racism is only “really” racism when someone is starving, being killed, or being enslaved. My friend, Pastor Jon Robinson, said it like this:
Privilege not only causes white people to miss instances of racism but it causes them to think they get to set the terms or parameters for what constitutes racism as well. For example; situations that can universally be understood as racist like a blatant hate crime, are “in bounds.” But anything that’s not as obvious is dismissed and those who attempt to shed light on less obvious forms of racism get accused of race baiting or, my personal favorite, playing the race card. Which essentially means that if it’s not obviously racist to a white person then it’s not racist.
Race is a complicated matter. The most important thing that I can tell my white friends is that racism is different when you experience it than when you think about it. As long as your reflections upon race and its consequences come from textbooks and muted conversations over coffee, you will not know the realities of racism. Can you imagine walking in fear or anxiety every day of your life? How would it change you? How has it already changed so many young men and women?
Pastor Robinson said that these anxieties aren’t even the worst part of subtle racism. He says, “The frustration and pain of not having my perspective taken seriously or feeling like I have to defend my position all the time, is even more of a problem than living in fear and making the kinds of choices you describe. I spend almost every day feeling like I have to fight to the death to be heard, seen and respected.” I’m not surprised that these are almost the exact same words that I hear from women in the church time and again. We cannot continue to silence these voices.
If these questions cannot be resolved in a heady conversation, then it seems that there is at least one other path: the way of experience. We began to understand racism because we had a chance to experience its possibility along with our son. You too can “experience” racism. If you already have friends of color that will trust you to tell you some of their stories and experiences of racism, then ask them to share. If you don’t, then these Lenten Disciplines are a great way to start decentering your own experience for the sake of another. In the end, nothing will replace an emotional connection with the real suffering of our neighbors of color. You only get that through relationship.
This isn’t the only thing that we learned from raising our son (that we gladly adopted last year). We also have learned that parents that want the most for their children are often faced with a dilemma (even when they have the means to make educational choice) about whether they will give their kids a school environment that is supportive of their identity. Or shall we choose a school where lots of children look like him and he can learn about being black in America? Usually the schools with large African-American populations are struggling and under-resourced. Do I use the means that are within my reach to send him to a school with opportunity that will ensure that he has very few friends that look like him? Is that somehow better? The thing that I’m learning here is that racial minorities have to ask questions that majority populations get the privilege of ignoring. I still don’t know all the questions that I need to be asking.
I think that I can also straightforwardly say that African-Americans treat me differently when they see me with my son. I don’t know how to explain the boundary that exists between many (BUT NOT ALL) black and white persons. But somehow seeing me with my son helps me get past that boundary many times. This makes me think that there may be other ways to overcome this distance. And that may be what is required if white persons in America are to begin to understand racism.
I’ve written a follow up to this very popular post:
You Aren’t Racist, But You Make Racism Possible
For more about the adoption of my son, see: The Most Important Action for Pro-Life Christians: Foster and Adopt
Don’t miss the comment section below. There are some great remarks that give some different perspective. After more than 300 comments, I’ve now closed commenting on this post. While much of the dialogue was constructive, some of the comments near the end were the result of trolling and name-calling. Those have been removed. Those that cannot dialogue civilly have every right under the Constitution to say hateful and uncivil things. But they do not have a right to do so on my blog, which I hope to be a mark of civility.
I recommend Willie Jenning’s recent book The Christian Imagination: Theology and the Origins of Race for an account of how Christians are implicated in racial prejudice and how Christian thought provides a way forward.
Related Posts: Double Standards, Women, and the Church – Part 2
Griselda Was Raped At 13 Years Old & Her Story Is Not Unusual: #LocustEffect
Dr. Jeremiah Gibbs 
This is a wonderful blogpost. This year has been a challenging one for me, where I have been investigating my own privilege and trying to acknowledge and break down any ingrained oppressive, racist, or negative thought patterns and habits I have. It’s a challenge. I am struggling everyday to understand better and most importantly to listen to the experience of others. Thank you for this post. These are tough questions which are important for privileged people to ask themselves. I know it’s hard to acknowledge your existing advantage created by factors beyond your control. But it needs to be done.
That said, I think ironic is not really the best word to describe the phenomenon of people of color and women having similar struggles to be heard. Irony implies that it wouldn’t be expected, but we live in culture which oppresses and objectifies both populations. I would be shocked if women in church (and everywhere else) didn’t have similar stories. This is why intersectional feminism exists- to help provide a voice for both populations, especially where there is overlap.
You are absolutely right. Ironic is not the right word. It’s to be expected when (in this way) each population shares the same experience.
Thanks for your comments.
Hello Rev Gibbs,
I really enjoyed your post on understanding racism, racism goes way back for me as a youngster growing up in Arkansas in the 50’s. I faced racism first hand being called everything but a child of GOD and I can say to this day I have never once retaliated but rather I remember the words that my mother told me and that is to never be ashamed of who I am. I have lived by those words for over 50 years and the words of Psalms 27 as GOD is my Light and my Salvation, whom shall I fear. Have you ever heard of Pastor John Fichtner of Liberty Church in Marietta, GA? He is a white Pastor(my Pastor and friend for over 10 years) that spoke out on racism in a series called Biblical Racial Reconciliation that I would recommend to anyone regardless of color. It was truly a blessing to me as I am part of a bi-racial family, I believe series can be downloaded on the Church website; http://www.libertychurch.org and by the way as a Black person(no dis-respect intended), I prefer to be called Black instead of Afro-American because at least 3 generations of my family was born here in America.
Respectfully in Christ,
Graylan Miller
Thanks for sharing the resource and your story. (On the “black” and “African-American” remarks, my
Tendency has been to use “black” because it is more inclusive of a shared experience as Americans, but I sometimes do use “African-American” interchangeably. I feel like
The latte term is more politically correct even if it is less accurate. Of course, being PC doesn’t mean it is right.
the problem is that it gos both ways I mean we have B.E.T. but if we had W.E.T. we would be called racists you have all black schools if you have all white school then there you go your called a racist a person needs to be judged by who they are not the color of the skin I was raised that there are niggers and blacks Mexicans and spicks whites and crackers….. in other words there are GOOD and BAD in every race I have a nephew that is BLACK, PHILAPINO, CAJUN, AND IRISH, he said he don’t know whether to break dance river dance or two step lol I tell him you are an AMERICAN PLAIN AND SIMPLE when we start using the hyphen white-American…..black American….philapino American and so forth what we are saying is we are a divided American and that is just wrong I don’t care if your purple with green polka dots I judge by what you say and do….well that’s my opinion anyways hope I didn’t offend anyone
To Marcus’ comments, for the most part WET and All white schools already exist in abundance. The actually existence of BET or the HBCUs are because of the lack of representation of black on television and also because of the issues in the past with segregation in American Universities. I would say that it is privilege that makes it seem as though that Blacks are holding one sided or unfair stances when we bring those topics into question. But WET is most channels that is on television. There is not a well balanced representation of blacks on TV these days in comparison to the amount of blacks that live in America. Also at the time of BETs creation, there was next to no representation of black culture on television. As far as all black schools go, you have your PWIs as well.
Sorry, not to make it a measuring contest with all of these comparisons. Ideally we could say that we are all just American but we cant in some instances. Your nephew to you is seen as a human being. An American by birth and a member of your family. For others who encounter him depending on his features they will treat him how they please. Be it good or bad. I’m black and most of my experiences with people that are white have been hot and cold depending on the region. Its the catch 22 of the ‘melting pot’ that we have.
Marcus’ comments prove the point of Rev. Gibbs’ commentary. Black people didn’t just choose to have separate schools. HBCUs came about because Blacks were not allowed to attend other institutions. Marcus also needs to know that HBCUs accept people from all ethnicities.
Further, I challenge Marcus to assess the ethnic representation in the media. What percentage of non-Whites find their way into Hollywood movies (look especially at the extras) and weekly serials?
Thank you for saying this Edward! You are exactly right, black people did not choose to have HBCUs in fact one of the most well known HBCUs (Howard University) was founded by Otis Howard a white man for his mixed children. HBCUs were a way to keep blacks from seeking an education at a PWI right after the Civil War. Many white people are not aware of the history of HBCUs and how this concept came into fruition.
For Marcus to insinuate this phenomenon is a black person’s way self-segregation or reverse-racism is ludicrous. I vividly remember being the only person of color in most of my classes in HS. An HBCU provided me with the invaluable experience of being called on to answer a question regarding African-American history/literature due to my intellect and not my “insight”. There I did not have to serve as the spokesperson for all people of color (men AND women) instead, I was a individual. Can you imagine being a walking talking caricature and believing that it is normal?
I also challenge Marcus to name ONE primetime television show with an all black cast. Today we have shows with a predominantly white casts and a “token minority”. That is why BET (although I am very disappointed with the content lately), Telemundo, Stars Black, and HBO Latino are important. How far do you have to look to see various representations of yourself? As a black Latina, I’m often searching.
AGO I think many white people would agree with your synopsis, regarding ‘hot and cold’ areas, as it applies from their own stance, also
Your article is very unclear on the DEFINITION OF RACISM. How are you defining and using that term?
Check a dictionary. There is nothing special intended here.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/racism
You might as well add a definition of PRIVILEGE to that list too. I hear these terms bandied about all the time and seems they are used rather loosely nowadays so that racism can be really broadly defined and removed from objective things like behavior and actions of perpetrators and relocated into the realm of the subjective ‘victim’/agent, like that which was the case with your ‘experience’ that you alluded to above.
The problem in this case was not the perpetrator of a person that we encountered but the real perpetrators that had inflicted hatred and violence in this same town for many years. Even when no when actually confronts another, the possibility of it is still there and that creates anxiety and fear that can cripple. We have had actual real people say some hateful things (always to my wife, and never to me- a 260 lbs U.S. Marine). But even when nothing is said, the fear is always there.
I read your posting with great interest. You make many valid points and yet, without meaning to, you slip into some of the practices you criticize, for instance: “It’s true that racism in our country does not mean that people of color won’t be hired for any job. We no longer need bus boycotts and lunch counter sit-ins.” Hispanics, as well as others, have boycotted conducting business in Arizona for a number of years. The United Methodist Church has resolutions on the books recommending not having meetings in towns and cities that use Native American sports mascots that might be deemed derogatory. I imagine I can add many to the list, but I think you get the drift.
As time goes on, you will experience new forms of biases you never gave a second thought to, such as what to teach your son to say and do if pulled over by the police, how to respond when followed by security in a department store, what to do when a taxi refuses to stop for him. These might be years away for him, but are a reality for many today.
You have taken a step into a world quite foreign to you and I applauded you for this. There will be new experiences that you might not be able to imagine at this time, but know that others continue to pave the way so your son will have an easier time negotiating the troublesome roads that represent race-relations in America. I will follow with great interest and will certainly be a sounding board should you need one. Blessings.
Agreed, Vince
Hi Jeremiah,
I’m not sure I have much else to say right now, but I wanted to let you know that this is an excellent article and it really helped me. I might be able to use it with my church. I was thinking about doing a sermon series on “perspectives” to talk about our differences and our similarities. And to get people thinking outside of the box about each other. I hear a lot of negative comments about “other people.” Then I feel like God said to me that I need to learn to see things from my congregation’s perspective, and that’s true. Very true. And that would be part of the series. I wanted to work on ages, but I also wanted to work on race/ethnicity stuff…
Thank you! Your blog is great. I really appreciate it.
Mary
Great comment! There is way to much emphasis these days on “other people” and how those other people might benefit from some of your tax dollars (heaven forbid!) or those other people might be getting something that you are not getting (usually something like help due to a disability or some other situation that we should instead be glad that we are not in). This emphasis on the “other” is used by various groups to manipulate and divide people. We are all God’s children and He does not categorize us.
As a society we need to focus on how to be just and tolerant. There are many reasons why people may end up needing things like government assistance. The reasons are often complex and do not include the person being “lazy” or “looking for a handout.” Having a nation of well-educated, well-fed, and emotionally stable citizens benefits ALL of us and is well worth a small portion of our tax dollars. Yes, only a small portion of our tax dollars goes to programs that help these “other” people that often get complained about. A much larger portion of our tax dollars goes to benefit large businesses that really do not need the help. Some people are born into a situation where they do not need much help to achieve that status and some people are born into a situation where they may need a lot of help to get there. Blaming people born into difficult circumstances for not being able to “just work hard and pull themselves up by their bootstraps” is very easy to do when you have never been in those circumstances. Oftentimes people living in difficult circumstances have not learned basic life skills that those of us who grew up in good circumstances take for granted and don’t even realized we learned. Oftentimes those same people have mental health issues due to the extreme stress they experienced in childhood.
It is a basic concept that many of us forget — don’t judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. A friend of mine was once complaining that my former roommate “had it so easy.” She was beautiful, her parents doted on her, she had enough money (not rich, but more than we did), and she always seemed cheerful. The friend was complaining how “life isn’t fair” because some people “have everything.” I told the friend that my former roommate certainly seemed to “have it all” but that she had, in fact, had cancer already (we were in our 20s at the time) and that she still had lingering health problems from that which were not apparent. The friend was so surprised and it taught her a valuable lesson about judging others/making assumptions about people. Most people carry burdens that you just don’t know about. Don’t judge, show compassion.
On another note, my family is bi-racial. Because we live in an area of the U.S. that is rather progressive, we have not experienced any problems and have never had any comments made to us. The school issue has come up, though. Other bi-racial families I know have struggled with having their children in a “good” school or in a school with more diversity where their child feels more comfortable. We recently moved two of our children from a school where they were among a handful of minority students to a school that has predominantly minority students. It has been very interesting to see the differences in the schools — differences in the resources available, differences in parental involvement (many families that could afford a stay-at-home parent at the former school), and differences in the amount of students needing extra help. Things are most definitely not equal in this country yet.
We encountered a problem when we first moved to Cleveland, Ohio. My husband was about to begin a residency in his chosen field of medicine at one of the teaching hospitals in the city. We had saved enough money for a down payment on a nice house in an area considered ‘mixed’ racially. Our two daughters began their school years, in this area, at a school which had, i would guess, 85%-90% black children attending. Most of the. Families were working class to middle class. Our girls experienced racially loaded problems on a daily basis. ‘Freckle faced honky’ being a nick name for our youngest. The older girl experienced a boy touching her in inappropriate places and calling her ‘whitey’ not all of the children were like this and our girls certainly made some nice little friends, but they were the ‘odd’ children out and we had to administer quite a bit of counselling. We considered a private school, but the fees were much to high for us and we were not able to get any assistance, in that area. My husband was on a meagre stipend at the hospital, and life was quite lean, to say the least. As soon as he was able he began to moonlight at various ER’s to make up his salary and eventually the two girls were able to transfer to a private girls’ school where they would not feel isolated. Interestingly enough, there were several young black students who were bused in, from low income neighborhoods to attend this school, and they had been given full free tuition through the affirmative action program. I bring this up to show that this is not a one way street, and that difficulties and hardships occur, on both sides of the coin.
first of all I am glad you said a sense because racism is very much alive and well and it DOES mean you may or may not get the job this generation is starting the trend all over and in a very strong mean way along with the ones who were there for the boycott I don’t go around thinking about being black and what im going to do in any situation and most blacks do not act violently ,most blacks are angry when they are mistreated followed in stores norn ppl try to steal their jobs or act like they are stealing thts not violence its just a natural reaction…it happens everyday all day especially in certain parts of the country where ignorance prevails and I don’t mean the south
To Janet Massey;
I am very sorry to hear that that has happened to your family in an predominately black area. I am a black woman born in this country, and I experienced the same treatment from black people when I was younger, My family was middle class but I found myself going to a school out side of our town. The kids were mean to me and my sister and brothers and they use to hit us and we were attacked on several occasions! It was mostly because we came from a different kind of household then a lot of these other children. So we became the target because we were different. But I don’t want you to take your experience and think that ALL black people act this way and that all little bl boys want to sex little wt girls. It is the way some folks are brought up, you cant lump us all up together. There are plenty of decent black families and black people in a whole that have deep morals and respect for themselves as well as the next person. It wouldn’t be fair if we thought all white people are the same. People are different no matter what color you are. Maybe the area you thought looked decent and nice really was a low income area. But just don’t think the majority of black folks act that way because there is nothing more further than the truth than that! And I hope you don’t feel like I am beating up on you. I totally understand how your girls must of felt, and I do understand your response which was the correct response. Thank you.
Thank you very much, Jacquelyne, for your very kind response. Please believe me, when I say that I absoloutely do not think that ALL black people are this way, at all. In fact, we embrace the fact that we have many friends and colleagues of all different races and ethnicities, whose friendship we have cherished. My post was predominantly to make a statement that there is another very real side to resentment of other cultures that has been simmering since the 60’s.I made the statement, and shared our ‘school’ experience, because I wanted to share the other side. The ACLU and other agencies, including the media, vehemently protect and cover up open resentment toward caucasians, in America. There appears to be is a consensus, amongst some cultures that Americans, albeit born in this country, whose ancestors came here,due to enslavement, are gratuitously entitled to repeat the mistakes of their perpetrators, and a blind eye will be turned.
I totally understand the anguish of the past. I am grateful for the work of Dr. King and those like him, who continued to move in a positive direction, after his death. I do feel, as you will see from my other posts, that people like Al Sharpton, who maraud as men of God, do much to keep the embers of discontent between ethnic groups, burning in full flame. Rather than trying to reach out to caucasians he does everything he can to keep people apart and the word ‘racism’ alive. He does so, because this has become a way of life, and means of very lucrative financial gain for him, and those like him. Fifty years, or so, after Dr King’s death, those like Sharpton continue to fan the flames of resentment on both sides, because it benefits them personally.
People have grievances for many different reasons. Class warfare is big, in this country. Religion, politics, gender and so on. Ethnicity is just one area, and it can cross over into and share any one, or more, of the other disparities at any given time.
I truly appreciate your response. You sound like a very kind, generous, understanding and loving person. Our girls grew up, went to college, married and have children of their own, now. They are well balanced, caring and loving women and, yes, there are also many people of different cultures and backgrounds, in their lives whom they are proud to call their friends.
God bless you, and thank you, again.
This is legit. I’ve always wanted to adopt (I am in college, so have not had the opportunity yet). My father was adopted by immigrants from Hungary and that has always been something amazing I would love to do. My best friend growing up was adopted from the US, his brother from Columbia, and his sisters from Ethiopia.
I even think it’s cooler to adopt people from different cultures, backgrounds, and races to show the inclusivity of the gospel. Luke harps on this over and over in his gospel, and it’s this idea that Jesus made salvation possible for all people – all types of people, not just those born into certain families. Not only is it a great depiction of God’s inclusion through salvation of multicultural people, but it’s a great tool for evangelism in helping the needy and displaying the gospel in life.
Awesome!
Great article! Thanks for writing it!!
I am not Christian, but Jewish, so I don’t see this through the same prism as you, nor do I see it through a religious prism at all. But I am a father of a five year old black boy, and my wife and I are both white, so we can identify with your tale.
Have I encountered racism? Yeah. We’ve got several stories, from the reactions of my mother-in-law, who since dealt with her new grandson quite well, to preschools where my son was treated differently than the white kids. Oddly, I’ve only had one racist incident involving a black person, an older woman who stopped me on the street while I was pushing my then 20 month old son in a stroller — she was wondering, and asked openly to that end, what the heck I was doing with him. My boy took the time to cry for Daddy, and the woman gave the weak excuse that there had been a rash of abductions of black babies in the area — patently untrue.
What does one do? Well, in discussions about race I’m far more willing to believe that racism exists, and also to point that out. This doesn’t sit well with many white folks. There is a lot of education that can be provided by these transracial adoptions, I suppose, and it needn’t be religiously based. Not to say that I disrespect any religion, but we’ve all seen folks who claim close ties to religion and who prove themselves at least unconsciously racist. .
I’m a black atheist, so I also don’t see this through the same prism as you :-), but not only do I think that it is not necessary to see things through the same prisms, but that it is absolutely necessary for people who have totally different prisms to come to their (albeit somewhat different) own understandings of things if we want to move forward as a human race.
If we only discuss these issues with those who share our prism, then we run the risk of, if I may, ‘preaching to the choir.’ When we become consciously aware of how others think of / or experience issues, we can gain better understandings of how the world looks different to different people, which hopefully makes it easier to understand others, regardless of how much we may or may not agree with them.
Rev. Gibbs, thank you for sharing your experience and the wisdom you gained from it. Despite our different prisms, IMO the more important point is the message you received, regardless of the messenger.
My prism celebrates any path that leads people to help make the world a kinder place, and I am glad that your understanding of your faith inspired you to take more action than most others (of all prisms) will do.
Thank you!
While I appreciate the Blog, However…
“Privilege not only causes white people to miss instances of racism but it causes them to think they get to set the terms or parameters for what constitutes racism as well. For example; situations that can universally be understood as racist like a blatant hate crime, are “in bounds.” But anything that’s not as obvious is dismissed and those who attempt to shed light on less obvious forms of racism get accused of race baiting or, my personal favorite, playing the race card. Which essentially means that if it’s not obviously racist to a white person then it’s not racist.”
your Statements like defend my black friends or fear reprisal don’t make me feel like you have a grasp on the situation.
Another thing that worries me is the conversion art the age of 18 to god in the marines…
I think my friend you are going to learn a lot and as a Person of color. The days of sit -ins and boycotts are essential for social justice. You can’t pray about it you have to do something about it.
Arizona is a perfect example of white people gone crazy…
May I ask what you think of Dr Benjamin Carson?
Rev. Gibbs I want to thank you for sharing that wonderful story and I wish all people, black, white, etc., could understand how racism not only hurts the intended, but the world as a whole. I am a product of racism, and one my first experiences happened at a church in Yazoo City, MS when I was eight (8) years old. One of the White families in my community where I lived at the time wanted to integrate the church they were attending and I guess you could say I was their test pilot to see how members would react. Well, long story short, the congregation could accept the fact that I was the only one and I was a child, but when they got the idea of canvancing a black neighborhood and brought a bus load to the church, well let me just say they should have stuck with me. It turns out that some of the members brought guns to church because they were afraid of a bus load of black women and children and rather than put me in danger my mother was told that I could not return to the church I had grown so fond of and to hear my mother be harsh with me when I was crying because I couldn’t go that night to church say, ” Hush that crying they don’t want you there and they have guns and you might get hurt!” I didn’t blame her because was only trying to get me past the pain and probably her pain the best way she knew how.
Thank God for praying Mothers
I’m sorry Teresa. This is a pretty horrific story. Thank God that mom was smart enough to get you out of there. But that doesn’t make the loss any easier.
No Reverend it does not, but I thank God for having parents who taught me to love all people and to respect my elders of all races whether they were prejudice or not and in doing so I have taught my children to do the same.
check this post out…it may be difficult to read but it speaks to several Lynchings noted as suicide within the past few years, yet seem obvious cases of bigoted murder… http://thatdudeemu.tumblr.com/post/82991450465/poetic-floetry-jellyroll22-babefield
Being Black, I grew up in a predominately all white neighborhood, while going to an all Black church. I always felt like I was caught between cultures, feeling more comfortable with my White friends and yet, when around Black friends and family, I felt more ostracized by not “being” like them. As I got older and saw White families with adopted children that were Black, I actually felt relieved. Why? Because I felt like that family understood and loved the Black culture. I didn’t have to second guess whether there was acceptance or not.
Years later, I remember being at a park with other homeschooling parents when I met a White lady with a two Brown babies she called her own. We became instant friends…feeling more comfortable than I would feel being around my Black friends.
Racism comes in all forms. I’m so glad that your baby is loved by parents who love him fiercely, because of who he is and not because of the color of his skin.
Thanks for you let kind words. I suspect my son will also feel caught between cultures. I hope we are able to help him navigate that.
I don’t mean to get too off-topic, but people of all races who are divorced and especially divorced then remarried have historically been judged and treated as “second class” in a great many Christian churches. If we limit our “ethics” to the NT then women who are beaten by their drunken husbands don’t have an option to divorce and remarry and neither do men whose wives refuse them sexually for years on end. This is a big reason why I’m no longer a Christian.
I know that their are some churches that would read the bible such that all divorce is prohibited. But most churches today have made concessions in cases like you mention.
Even then, the church has to do a better job with attitudes toward divorced persons.
Sitting at a restaurant and watching the friendly waiter/waitress direct their attention and speak to your white friend and ignoring you the whole time is tricky, especially when you’re not in a racist environment: do you call it out and ruin dinner or do you overlook it? Probably another fairly subtle aspect of racism that is easily missed.
I have been in that situation many, many, many times. I choose the passive aggressive approach. I say “excuse me (insert server’s name hear),” and then spend a ridiculous amount of time asking redundant but polite questions about the menu. You must never loose eye contact. Every time the server comes to the table I call them by name, make eye contact and ask for something always with a huge smile. At the end of the evening I tip accordingly based on service.
This is a wonderful piece. Thank you for writing it. You almost get it.
“For the first time in my life, I had a sense for what it was like everyday for my black friends. They regularly have to make decisions about whether they will defend their honor and stand up to racism or shrink back again from the threat of violence and its consequences.
The instances of violent responses are the only ones that we hear about in the news. But every trip to the store in “that part of town” results in our black friends wondering if today will be the day that they will face a decision about their response. It’s no surprise to me that some people respond with violence when faced with the choice of having their dignity stripped or acting out on their own behalf. That doesn’t excuse violence but it does explain it.”
HOWEVER
“It’s true that racism in our country does not mean that people of color won’t be hired for any job.”
This is unfortunately VERY untrue. I speak as an Black Woman who own a consulting business that goes into many different organizations throughout the US. I have been very fortunate and had many opportunities but I know a lot who have not. As time continues you will see and understand more. I wish you and your family the best. And again Thank You for this contribution.
You may or may not be comfortable with this, but those are same experiences that gay and lesbian (and especially transgender) people have. Of course the issue is not exactly identical. And there is the possibility of “passing,” which can be both better and worse. But it is the same experience of not being able to go to many places without the fear and constant awareness and decision-making always there. It is the same issue of being able to be rejected for a job, housing, basic rights, without recourse. It is the same restrictions and potential for violence. And it is the same utter lack of comprehension of privilege by most majority members.
Great article! Thank you for writing it.
I understand if people assume, but in many instances no one really at first glance questions girls, women, men or boys unless some type of PDA is displayed. Like if you see ladies holding hands vs men holding hands in the USA… You may get a second glance. But most people have gotten over that since almost everyone knows someone…. Friend or family… And they refuse to disconnect or hate them because of their preference. There are outsiders and small minded people who think hateful thoughts, ideas & actions!
I’ve been reading the various responses to your posting, as well as your replies. I’m curious, what, if anything, have your done to further address racism? Have you preached on the matter or is that too risky? Have you located Sunday School curriculum to address privilege, or would that not be welcomed by your congregation? You mention the history of racism at the store at which you stopped, but where else might one find racism, as well as other ‘isms? When, according to a 2012 GCSRW and GCORR joint study, women pastors get paid 13% and racial-ethnic pastors get paid 19% less than their male, white counterparts, sexism and racism are institutional problems within the United Methodist Church. I dare say that when we try to introduce anti-racism or white privilege training in many of our churches, we often opt out because we worry about our appointments or losing congregants. I pray that your new found experiences will help break down the barriers to full-inclusivity that one might begin to recognize when faced with the overt, as well as the masked, racism all around us. Racism is like water to a fish…invisible as we are born into it. When we encounter it, we can address it in many ways. Will you be an advocate?
That’s a great question, Vince. I don’t preach regularly since I am a university pastor and not a local church pastor. In the 6-7 sermons that I preach each year and in my regular addresses to the student Christian ministries, I do talk about race and racism. I have talked even more about the need to design a worship service that appealed to our black students (especially) and not only our white students (we have significant Chinese and Latino populations, but the black students are more and the ways to integrate them seem more likely possible so we are starting there). We have been unsuccessful at recruiting black student leaders to help us do that.
If you’ve seen this blog at all then you know that I write about women in ministry and the prejudice that women face ministry quite often, including a book that I am currently working on toward this. I don’t think writing is the only, or even the best, thing that we can do but it’s what I’m doing now. This has been a significant factor of my ministry at the university this year as I have addressed the need to support women clergy with my students (they read the blog too).
Personally, I would hope that pastors would not be willing to back down from hard subjects. In fact, the success of pastors like Rob Bell and Marc Driscoll (the latter of which I do not like) tell us that saying things that push people’s buttons are actually good for the life of the local church. When I was preaching regularly in a congregation, I also found people to be glad that you challenged them. So I certainly hope that I wouldn’t back down from difficult topics for self-protection or because they are hard.
You are right to ask the questions. I hope that I am and will continue to be an advocate.
Your link to Lenten diciplines has a typo, so the link goes to a “page not found” page. I figured it out; you just may want to update it in your excellent post (the “lenten” in the url above currently is missing the first N, hence the broken link to “leten”).
Thank you! If you had any idea how many people had clicked that link (according to my statistics) and didn’t tell me it was broken….
: )
A dozen years ago I was attending a predominently black JC. As an older white woman, I sat in a class of approx. 35 young black males and females. A discussion came up about interracial adoption and I was shocked at the comments. The MAJORITY of the black students said that they would rather a child sit in an orphanage rather than be adopted by a loving white family BECAUSE they wouldn’t be taught about the past and slavery and such. WHAT ?!?!?!?!?! Isn’t this just perpetuating the problem?
That amazes me that you would see those students reactions as racist, but do you recognize why they feel that way? They’re young, so as a middle aged multi-cultural person, let me say that you need to ask them why. Instead of just taking away from it that they were racist because of how they believe. It’s more fear than it is racism. It’s not just about teaching our children about slavery but EVERYDAY racial situations that we face. It’s a fear that white parents won’t be able to teach a black child how to be black in America. Not to mention, not being able to do their child’s hair. A decade or so ago, I believed just like those students. It literally scared me to think of a black child being raised in a white home. Our experiences have told us that it’s not the best situation for that child and it seems like it could almost be worse. But now a decade later, and having a few white friends who have adopted black children, I can see some of our fears come true, but I also see some great parenting because of love. Love really does conquer all. What’s scary to me is that as an older white woman, you wouldn’t be able to understand that. But if you don’t have close black friends or family you won’t learn about these fears. Today, I see white parents of black children who really love their adopted child. I have some close friends who have two black children and they couldn’t love them anymore if they were white. Seeing that really relieves the fears that we have when we see trans-racial adoption. We all just need more friends AND family who don’t look just like us.
The subject of ‘racism’ has long become a one way street. Since the ACLU became the backbone of PC in this country, people are afraid of their own shadows to speak the truth. The truth is that before the sixties and Dr Martin Luther King, the conditions for minorities, especially in the deep south, were extremely grim. We saw big changes and a move forward, during the sixties, but we also saw a new wave of racism released, that was fiercely protected by the ACLU and other similar agencies. No one should be protected if we are to move onward and rid our nations of this cancer. Black people, these days, are also guilty of racism toward caucasians. I hear excuses like, ‘they are wary of whites because they have suffered at their hands for so long’ this is BS because two wrongs do not make a right, nor do they correct a malignant situation. Look to the instigators who keep these fires of discontent burning. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, both of whom call themselves pastors and disciples of Christ. They do NOTHING to bring people together, instead they invest all of their time making sure that every issue becomes a ‘racial’ issue, whether it is or not. They make a lot of money being in the ‘business of racism’ on the other hand, instead of black Americans attaching themselves to these charletains, they would do better to look toward successful African Americans for inspiration. These examples ‘got it’ early and they moved on and helped themselves to get to where they are.
I find it interesting that you started to understand racism before anyone had said anything to you. You imagined the scenarios that you might encounter in this very racist part of town where you were going shopping. All the bad things you could imagine happened in your mind before they could or did occur. And from that thought process, you understood what it was to be a different color. The truth is, you only understand what it means to have self esteem and doubt.
As a white person, you don’t think about your race. If you decided to go shopping in a predominantly black neighborhood, you might. As a white person, I don’t think about my race. I don’t give a second thought about going to Mexico or any part of town; Chinatown, Little Saigon, Little Italy, Chula Vista…etc. where I am not among the predominant race. This only would only break down if I were to consider going to an area that is predominantly black. I would avoid East San Diego.
My family and I traveled to New Orleans in 2008, after the hurricane. It was a summer road trip. I didn’t give a second thought to being in New Orleans even though the area population was predominantly black. In a public area, walking down the side walk, a black woman walking the other way, side stepped two feet and hip checked me. She then turned around and said, “You hit me!” I laughed and said, “Are you serious?” I guess my laughing unnerved her two male companions because they didn’t say anything. They just turned around and started walking again. That is the day when I first understood racism.
The end of racism comes when people can accept themselves for who they are regardless of what others think about them. White people don’t care what other races think, unless they are apologists. Black people will truly be equal to white people when the concept of race no matters to them. You’re always going to find hate and there will always be a reason for that hate, whether ethnic, religious or “moral” grounds.
I commend you for adopting a child of any race. Try not to make him racist.
I’m sorry but you have it all wrong!
Wow, that is an amazingly offensive and ignorant comment.
You Sir, definitely have it twisted. Everything you stated is the perfect example of “white privilege”. You said “black people will truly be equal to white people when the concept of race no (longer) matters to them.” Like its up to black people to “get with the program” get on board and forget about racism like us “white people”. You truly don’t get it, and should re-read Rev. Gibbs story. Those thoughts and feelings have nothing to do with “self esteem” and “doubt”, those thoughts and feelings are real as they should be. You really ought to come down off that cloud you are up on and stop thinking that blacks and other minorities are keeping the race thing going. They shouldn’t have to assimilate and conform to doing things “your way” or as a fellow white person “our way”, just to get along in this country. Thats where you get this all wrong. I really hope you take your own advice and don’t raise some racists of your own cause your statements subliminally show that you represent exactly what racism is “thinking that one race is better than another” especially when you make statements like the one I quoted above…Black people are EQUAL to white people, and so is every other “color”, national origin, gender, religion, age, disability, and even sexual orientation. We are all the same race, that is we are all HUMAN.
I have traveled much around the United States and lived in Kentucky (home state), Ohio, Georgia, New York (city) and NJ. The environment in all have been and is racist. I only have to be awake to experience racism. It’s a cultural reality. It is white privilege and denial. I am not saying bigotry, which is what many think when they hear the word racism. I’m saying racism exists in all of the institutional forms in our culture. Bigotry is racism, and racism is so much more than bigotry. Racism is power and control, dominance of an entire “RACE” over a subordinate “RACE” in all forms. It is the powerful and the powerless and defined in a nanosecond. The reality is that “RACE” doesn’t truly exist. Race is an arbitrary and made up word from the 17th century by two European intellectuals. There are a multitude of ethnicities, but one race. Therefore “RACISM” can’t exist, but some know it when they are willing to see it for the cultural impact that it has on all people, both the powerful and the powerless. Sexism parallels racism as well.
Marcus Shaw on 20April 14 took the words right out of my mouth.
I question thou why it seems that racism is Always referred to as “On a Black thing”? I am a white female. Yes.!! I graduated from a school where having 2 white kids in the same class at the same time was the Norm. If we had 6 at the same time it was like Really? Wow!! Tell me I didn’t feel something. There were times I chose not to use the restroom because I didn’t feel safe enough at the time.
Another point made by a lady a post or two after Mr Shaw was the hyphenated American ANYTHING!!! A division created. An American really is of no certain color unless you REALLY want to get technical (PC) American Indian…… JMO
Another random kinda comment. The cowards will speak out to your wife because you are a little more scarey at your size and gender. I pray for Gods Speed and Protection for her and your family against these kind of cowards.
Why was there No reply button to Mr Shaws comment?
This is one of the best and most inspiring blogs I’ve read in my LIFE. NOT everyone can adopt a child of a different race, but we MUST find a way to eliminate the empathy gap that exists today. No one has the answers, but after today, at least I know that ONE family is looking….Thank God…!!!
First I applaud you and your wife for having the courage and the understanding of the heart. But obviously the love of Jesus within you. I must also say that by the time I got to the end of your story while sitting in a parking lot enjoying my lunch, that I was so overtaken with your story that it brought me to tears. I myself as a strong black woman have faced this ugly word racism often. My most recent incident resulted in me loosing my job and career because simply this white man did not like me on my job. No matter what I did it just would or could be good enough for him. And with him being in the power seat he silently excused me without a second thought. My job was given to not only of course a younger white girl. But here is another side of racism that you may not know about. Is when they use another black person to do the dirty work for them on the job. So when you say how the blacks look at you and your wife with your son. Oh I know and truly understand. One thing I depend on is God, for he shall have the last say, and I pity the people black or white that are still wasting valuable life on something so ridiculous. Obvious they have been taught this mean and ugly word, and no doubt will teach it to their children. But I know that love has no color or do I choose to even entertain ignorance. Yes that is exactly what racist and racism is. Be blessed and thank God for you, because when you made a commitment to care for children color should never have been the issue. Always do what you feel is best for your child concerning his life that is why God choose you for him.
Please send your article to the Supreme Court justices who “decided that racism is no longer an issue”, therefore judicial decisions should be “color-blind”. They have not walked in my highly-educated, career-oriented, executive leader of many, accomplished educator, military veteran’s black skin. In my “clothes”, I am tolerated. In my jeans and T-shirt at the mall, I am followed. Yes, today in 2014! Yet, they have NEVER experienced the “worries” you referenced. Thank you for everything!
This was not a post Jeremiah, this was a great post. American society has released the shackles of open racism for selfishness and the power to hide their ignorance in their vices (alcohol, mateRialism, basically the more i buy the gallery i feel i could careless about someone else’s situation I’m more important.)
I particularly liked the education dilemma. Even with me being African I’m faced with the same dilemma.
And lastly, about the black child and white parents. The general consensus amongst African Americans when they see a black child with white parents is that the white parents are going to teach the child to favor whites over blacks and in certain cases teach the child to hate black people. It may sound preposterous to you but there are plenty of blacks who hate being black and are infested with self hatred. That does not apply to you after your blog post. But they don’t know your intentions for doing what your doing. It’s like one of my favorite lecturers said on a topic of biracial folks “They have a problem identifying the reason for being targeted on race. It’s not because they have one blk prnt and one white prnt they are targeted because they don’t have two white parents.” The same falls under this premise your child needs to understand that folks aren’t going to treat him poorly for having two white parents they might not know he does, all they know is his skin no amount of English classes, acts of chivalry, expensive clothing or vehicle will change people’s initial reaction to your presence.
Jeremiah i find it admirable what your doing. Don’t lose track of your goal which is raising a boy into a man.
I say raise your son into a productive and loving male figure to go out into this world and be great at whatever he does. Parenting has no color stamp. Give him all the love and support you can.
I enjoyed reading your article. I live in a very conservative Southern Midwestern town. However, as a native of LA, I notice socio-economic segregation that locals don’t think about or perceive as inequality. Many African-Americans have told me, “This is just the way it is here. You’ll get used to it.” And the way it is here is that African-Americans are hired for specific jobs and are allowed specific career paths. Typically, if I mention the blatant social and economic segregation, I am told “this is how everybody ‘chooses’ to live.” If I point out the clear qualification imbalance between a white supervisor and me, a less qualified white person being promoted over me, or the extra work I have to do on behalf of my white coworkers for less pay, I am told “I am choosing to be underemployed. I am being a bad team player. And/or I am lucky to have been allowed employment.” Usually, I am let go shortly after that. I struggle as an African American woman with degrees and skill sets that place me out of my “jurisdiction.” Institutional racism is extremely subtle and very powerful. Individuals have the social power through organizational authority to deny “outsiders” career paths and professional development which in turn denies upward mobility. This experience becomes very awkward when my white partner decides he wants to go for a promotion and knows that he will at least be allowed to compete for it. It’s get’s even more complicated when I try to explain to my biracial child why mommy has “high-end” education and experience but is not considered “a good fit” for organizations hiring for roles requiring my specialization. And it can get messy trying to explain the reality to his children from a previous marriage who are being raised in a “privileged” neighborhood. Each day, my partner and I have to pick and choose how we will respond to racial situations that occur in the outside world as well as our inside world. What we have opted to do is transmute guilt and frustration into moral support and advocacy for each other and those around us. We can’t change “the way it is here,” but I have no intention of settling for a low income reality because I don’t “fit.” I fine racism to be a very complex and effective form of classism. So, reading your article has been very uplifting in that some where there are people/families have similar experiences and an understanding of how complicated our society is. It seems to me that when people deny the role of race in upward mobility, s/he is often defending a stacked deck (so-to-speak). Thank you and God Bless.
poverty is recognized in all demographic areas, and it consumes people of all colours and backgrounds This past generation has seen affirmative action assist some, who may not have had the same opportunity in previous times. I have many friends of different cultural and ethnic backgrounds and class and I would like to tell you about someone who I met about 30 years ago. He had grown up in a rural area outside of Pittsburgh. He and his younger sister were the children of poor parents. Their father was an alcoholic who managed to hold jobs, but who spent most f his money on alcohol. The children never had very much. They survived on hand me down clothes from the many children within their family circle of relatives. They rarely had toys and were satisfied to simply eat a decent meal, a couple of times a week. They lived in an impoverished neighbourhood, that encompassed all racial and ethnic backgrounds, and so they did not feel too isolated in their poverty. However, when this young man came to graduate from high school the possibility of college had never been discussed. Despite some of his friends being able to attend college, there was no money and he was expected to find a job, and so when his number came up for the draft, in the late sixties, he was instantly recruited by the US army. He trained within the special ranks and was eventually sent to Vietnam as a member of the airborne special forces. This brave young man returned to this country, the recipient of a silver star, two bronze stars and two purple hearts. He was injured in both legs, but able to walk. He had saved his meagre army stipend, and he bought a second hand truck and went to Alaska to work in the forestry division and on the pipe line. When he returned to the Pittsburgh area, after a year, he had very definite goals and he applied to the public university. He took a full load of classes, whilst maintaining a full time driving job, to support himself. His best friend, who hailed from the south side of Chicago, was another draftee and a guy he had met while serving in Vietnam, came to visit him after he was discharged. He was supportive of him and encouraged his friend to go forward with his dream. My friend soon transferred his credits over to a more competitive school. He continued to live sparsely as he worked full time to support himself and his schooling. He graduated with a major in Chemistry and minor in philosophy, and he applied to medical school. To cut a long story short, my friend went to medical school, and after graduating completed an internship and then a three year residency at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Cleveland, Ohio. He went on to become a clinical professor at University Hospitals of Cleveland Ohio, as well as faculty of medicine at Case Western Reserve University. The POINT OF MY STORY, is that DESPITE BACKGROUND, LACK OF EXPECTATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT, and the cCHIPS ALWAYS LOOKING DOWN, the INDIVIDUAL PERSON ultimately is the only person who can MAKE OR BREAK his or her destination in life. I met my admirable friend whilst working alongside him, during his medical school training at an inner city hospital in Detroit. I married him, a year later, and his story still leaves me in awe, and remains a constant reminder of the tremendous accomplishments he achieved, despite all he had to overcome.
Can you show me in scripture where “race” was ever determined by color of skin? I have read the bible and cannot remember any place where color of skin was determined to be the defining line of race. Seems to me in the OT, nations (or races) were distinguished in two ways, Israel (God’s covenant people) and then everyone else (Gentiles). In the NT, there seems to be a lessening of emphasis on the national boundaries separating peoples, due to God’s covenant being one that now extends to all tribes, nations and tongues. National distinction is deemphasized in favor of those who are of the faith or not. Col 3:11 “here there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.” NKJV
If that is the case, are we not making false distinctions where in truth (the truth of scripture) there should be none? I understand our culture and that it does not often deal in truth, but as Christians should we not look at things through the lens of scripture and if scripture does not make distinctions according to the flesh, should we not at least try and do likewise? Why should we (children of the truth) walk in the falsehood of separation based on skin color the world has set up and follow that pattern if there is no scriptural support for it?
Now of course, if you can show me in scripture this distinction, I will abandon this line of thinking and join the world in separating the white man from the black man from the brown man and so forth, based on our skin pigment.
Dear Mr. Gibbs,
As a black women in America, I am enlightened and admittedly sighed of ease as I was reading this well written post. I hope and pray this post goes viral because it says so much and gives a greater understanding of things both white and black want to say without offending or coming across racially bias.
I’m just wondering where the “racism” is that you experienced so you could understand it? It sounds like you created in in your mind. I was reading, waiting on the “experience” but there was none. This is indicative of “perceived” racism. If you are looking for it, you will find it, even where it doesn’t exist.
This might be off topic but i currently work in a predominantly white industry(Libraries). I have constantly encouraged my African Americans friends to apply for jobs in my organisation but always get the same response—“those are white people jobs”. I am black, and my workplace is all for diversity. I feel African Americans are limiting their potential in the name of Color/racism.
Anyone can be whatever they want to be. Color or history has nothing on you.
Sometimes it doesn’t take anyone else to discriminate against you but yourself.
Macy, thanks for your comments. I think this article brings to the fore some of the problems in how the media continues to promote an us (whites) versus them (the other, i.e., POC, gender, sexual orientation). More discussion and action to bring shame upon those who do continue to promote such views is needed. The SCOTUS is a perfect example of what continues to be a lie of equality in the US.
More directly to your point, I will agree that some blacks have a negative attitude towards self-improvement and it is the wrong attitude to have. Each individual should have at the very least the opportunity to make preparations and seek positions within all kinds of institutions, but many institutions are not ready for a person of color who is far more often better educated and trained than the average person in the place. My point comes from many decades of experience, in the 1970s through the early 1980s, having the drive to further educate myself (several degrees including law and specific areas of expertise), did come to fruition. However, when I entered into the “real” world I was never “good enough” though I had obtained certain aqnd specific skills and training, as well as living experience within the targeted countries to do the work and do an outstanding job–quite often more qualified than the white person that was promoted to do the work. I learned then that whites, particular white males, feel more “comfortable” with their own–folks who look like them. When I went into private practice, then and only then, was I able to move into the arena with less hindrance and find greater success. If society was actually “color-blind” as it is frequently proffered, I am sure I would have obtained a far higher level of success because I would have gained a different level of access in the field. It took a few years of being overlooked before I realized I had wasted a couple of years of my life hoping for the best. When we realize that race for our grandparents (segregation) was very different than the prejudices for young people today. Everyone sees it, but few are willing to deliberately challenge it. Practice does make living the truth of our convictions more perfect.
May I ask what you think of Dr Benjamin Carson?
Well said..I don’t think I have ever heard it put so eloquently before. The explanation of your epiphany was very..very good.I think interestingly enough your blog post also has something to teach persons of color, like me, how another race just doesn’t understand certain view points. Not out of belligerence …they simply haven’t had the life experience to grant them that perspective on things
Reblogged this on M. Clement.
This was a very interesting articles. I was interesting article. I was born in Hong Kong by an Asian/Indian mother & a Black/Irish father. I’ve experienced racism on both sides of the spectrum. My family made sure I knew about each and every part that is my make-up as a person. This article brought back a lot of memories and how as I got older people automatically assume I’m one race because of the pigment of my skin and I was quick to point out I’m not just one and proud of it. Love the comments by the way.
We also have a transracial family through adoption. I love your sentence: “I still don’t know all the questions that I need to be asking.” That sums it up perfectly!
This was a great article. I do hope that as parents of an African American male you will teach him about African American culture and history. So many of our young black chilldren and adults do not know enough about black history and with him growing up in a white household he may stand an even greater risk of not learning about black history. Especially if he does not attend an ethnically diverse school or live in an ethnically diverse neighborhood.
I applaud any person who commits to loving and raising a child that is not their own, especially a child whose circumstances, race, or experiences force you to come out of your own comfort zone. Please be especially sensitive to the sad reality that many people will not see the “innocence” of your son. We live in a society that has a tendency to dehumanize and/or criminalize the status of being a young black male. You will have to advocate for him in his classroom, in his extra-curricular activities, maybe even in your church, and in the world in general to dispel the myth that he has a tendency to violence, lying, stealing, using drugs, etc. I am sending up prayers for you and your family as you carry out this ministry.
Thank you for your honesty. These words that you have written are so very true. But I would like to piggy back on the comment left by Marcus Shaw, if I could.
There are black schools and yes, black channels because america has stripped most cultures of their identity. In america if you are not white then you are second best. If america was a fair country there would not be a need to have organizations strictly for a particular race, other than white. I do believe that anyone from any race can be racist and are racist at times.
But to say that if there was an all white school, then we would call it racist, is correct. Why wouldn’t we? It’s not like this country isn’t racist, come on! Lets not act like america has been blind to peoples ethnic back ground. And I for one never believe a person when they say “I don’t care if you’re purple, green or striped.” Because in my experience they have always proven to be the most under cover racist of them all. And that’s not to say he is, it has just been my experience. But I was not brought up to be racist, even though my parents taught us about our history and we stayed current about the affairs this country was involved in. I grew up in New York City, and moved to Florida in 2005. I have never experienced racism until I moved to Florida. I found it hard to keep my cool in this state. I have many friends from all different races and yet I found it really difficult to tell them how I would feel whenever we were in public together because of other people. I almost felt like they would ignore how people treated me or would look at me. I found myself becoming prejudice because the way people would treat me and my kids. I was called the N word, had two guys jump out their pickups to hurtle insults and threats at me all because I didn’t move my car out of their way fast enough, and a whole list of things we went through and are still going through, to a point. We went through it down here. But then I had to take a long look at myself and realized that I was becoming just like them! And I had to remember my heart, and who i was and that just wasn’t me. I had to allow people to be who they are, or just show kindness in the face of hate. I could of been lost and been part of the problem, but instead I pray and just allow people to be who they are. Thank you and I hope I also didn’t offend anyone.
Thank you for your article/blog. I think this type of dialogue is what is truly needed in this country. Well said Sir, Well said!!!! The quote by Pastor Jon Robinson, sums it up well for me.
Thank you for your perspective on racism. First of all I would like to congratulate you and your wife for your noble choice to adopt a child. This child can surely grow up confident that he was specifically chosen to be loved and cared for, by his devoted parents. Secondly, I assume by what you have written that your anguish over how you might have to react, should racial remarks or actions take place during your shopping trip, did not in fact actually occur, after all. That does not rule out the possibility of this ever happening, however, and I do understand your angst.
What I have found is that no one ever seems to write about the reverse side of the coin, and the deeply set hatred that many minorities feel toward white people , in this country. One can keep bringing up ‘slavery’ and every other wrongdoing toward the black race, throughout history, but must we keep having to be reminded of this when we had nothing to do with any of it? There is a deep resentment toward whites, particularly white Christian men, these days. It is allowed to go ‘unnoticed’. Are people afraid to bring up what is blatantly obvious, for fear of recrimination by a largely biased media?
We currently have a biracial president. His ancestral history is not typical of black Americans whose ancestors were sold, by their tribal chiefs. Sold into slavery, and purchased by Europeans and Americans, to be brought shackled to foreign lands under terrible conditions, on slave ships. The President is the offspring of a white American woman and a black Kenyan student, whose own African ancestry was of those very tribal chiefs who once sold their own into slavery. President Obama’s ancestry is very different to those who align themselves to and hail him as the first African/American president. His genes are those of both European and African beginnings, but the story behind them is quite different than that of even his wife. He is half white, half black. He chooses to represent the black community because of the dominance of the genes that govern his skin colour. Having said that, the media and democrat party and the black culture in America, have chosen to shout ‘racist’ at everyone who dares to disagree with the policies of this president, using his ‘colour’ as the excuse and not his politics and his determination to change the whole fabric of The United States of America, as we know it. There are many black politicians who represent conservatism, in this country. As white conservatives we would be more than happy to support them, because they represent the same philosophies as we do, however racism is being used, in this case, against white conservatives, because this president and his political proclivities go against our own political ideologies. Black conservatives are being called ‘uncle Toms’ by black Americans and white Americans alike, who support liberal/ socialist ideologies.
I can go on to a face book page that supports a television programme with mostly black actors. I may make the very same comment about a black actor, that other black posters will make about that actor, and I am run into the ground by the black community. Is it because my status picture shows a white face amongst posters who are mostly black? I have insults hurled my way, and I can only assume that it is because I am white. Much like you also made your assumption that you may have to defend your innocent child when you walked into that store on the way to a birthday party. Your fears were unfounded. My suspicions may be off course. However, we are both victims of our doubts and fears and for good reason.
We should be cognizant that racism does exist, on both sides. It is propagated by zealots like Al Sharpton et al, who never pass up an opportunity to keep it alive. Mr Sharpton calls himself a pastor, and yet he does all that he can to create disharmony between races in this country. An otherwise fairly untalented man has made an extremely lucrative career out of racial disparity. He keeps fanning the flames of the embers left, because without them he would have no career. He and his ilk have done great damage to the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King and his legacy. It is time to look at both sides of the racial picture. To address the growing anger on both sides and to stamp out those opportunists who continue to profit from it.
I really enjoyed your post. I also live in a biracial family. My mother was as white as snow (literally lol).. half English half Welsh.. my father is Cuban.. my daughter is all that along with German, Irish, Italian and Cherokee.. and my son is English, Welsh and West African. My cousin also has a son and daughter who are white and black american. The elders in my family grew up in Virginia and came from the slavery era. They had some adjusting to do but did so gracefully and embraced our children with nothing but love. My mother loved learning about different cultures.. she spoke 5 languages and we were always trying different foods from different countries. I have that same passion. 🙂 It is from strangers that I got a taste of what it feels like for really all people of color. The dirty looks when his father and I were out.(by both sides). even being refused service at a restaurant.. the comments like “that’s YOUR son?!” or “Oh that’s YOUR mom?!” But I think by far, the worst and scariest experience was the recent murder of Trayvon Martin. I am still shaken by it. He looked so much like my son that terror struck my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. I didn’t let him go to the store alone for almost a month after that. As I was talking to him about it I felt I had to tell him to never go out alone, to always be respectful and polite to the police, to show his face and not cover it with a hood.. Afterwards, I broke down in tears, crying not only for Trayvon and his family, but for my son and for my friends of color.. because they have to go through this fear every day and rise above it. You just can’t imagine the terror of sending your child out in the world every day, wondering if it will be the last time you see them, and having that feeling that someone would hurt or even kill your child simply because of his/her skin color, praying every day that God will bring them home safely, unless you experience it first hand.
Furthermore, Pastor Gibbs, may I suggest that you read Dr Benjamin Carson’s books? I think you will find inspiration for raising your child when you read of the hardships that African American Dr Carson and his brother overcame, being raised by their devoutly religious mother. They were extremely poor, but she taught her two little boys to live righteously, and to study hard in school. They struggled earlier on, but both developed excellent an work ethic and they both went on to become renowned people, within in their own fields of expertise. Dr Carson is known for his many years excelling in the field of pediatric neuro surgery. He and his wife are also philanthropists, and they give scholarships annually to impoverished students who excell in the field of academics. I am sure that your own son will conquer all of the odds thrown at him, with your parenting, stewardship and love. Best of luck to you and your family!
Thank you Janet Masse for your reply. I must tell you that I agree 100% with your every statement. I also do believe that people like Al Sharpton and Farrakahn fuel the fire for racism to stay alive and well. You also seem like a loving person as well. In my family there are so many different cultures, that it is kind of hard to believe that people still think about race in a negative and seemingly hateful way. And no, I don’t believe that you have a racist bone in your body. Thank you for sharing that. I an never too old to learn something.
God bless you, sweet lady.
It doesn’t matter how many books you read, how many “black” friends you have, or how many times you walk into that store. You will never really know/understand what its like to be black in America.
I found your blog from a post in my Facebook feed. Congratulations on the adoption of your new son, he is a blessed little boy and I know that your family will be one full of love and happiness. Your statement:
“This isn’t the only thing that we learned from raising our son (that we gladly adopted last year). We also have learned that parents that want the most for their children are often faced with a dilemma (even when they have the means to make educational choice) about whether they will give their kids a school environment that is supportive of their identity. Or shall we choose a school where lots of children look like him and he can learn about being black in America?”
Is so true. I am a black mother raising a black son and I had to make this decision a few years ago. My son is in elementary school and I decided to move him from a predominately black and Hispanic under performing school to one that was mostly white and had academic distinctions. I thought that he would receive a better education and have a slightly better advantage. I was horribly wrong. Instead of being taught he was constantly singled out, received the most severe punishments for any conduct violations, was labeled as aggressive ( and my son is far from aggressive) and his grades dropped. No matter how much I called, conference, visited, I was always given some excuse as to why they could not teach him. His behavior was no different from his non-black peers and he has no learning disabilities. The situation did not calm to a manageable level until I began keeping documentation and then basically reporting the teachers, staff and principle to the school board and then threatening legal action against that ISD. I also had to teach my son about being a black young man. I had to teach him that he is and will be judge harsher and at a different scale than his non-black friends. I had to teach him that any emotion in his voice will be viewed as violence and over aggressive.
It was not until he learned this by experience and then began to act accordingly did the issues reduce. I say reduce because I still have to remind the staff from time to time that I will not tolerate any nonsense. I have not left the school because I refuse to compromise his education Just because the school is not comfortable with brown students. I continue to fight and challenge them according to their rules. But this has always been my life. I live in the same neighborhood I have always lived in. When I was a child I was always the only black girl in my class and was often asked why my palms where white but the rest of me was black, why do black people use grease in there hair, did I like watermelon, and did I know that black people can’t float and that is why slaves drowned when they fell off the boat. And this was just when I was in elementary school.
No, I did not grow up in the 70’s, I was born in 1980.
We do teach our children the “black code”. When in a store try not to pick up what you are not purchasing, you will eventually be accused of stealing. Always get your receipt and put your purchases in a shopping bag.When being pulled over get your ID, registration, and insurance out and on the dash before the cop leaves his/her car. Keep your hands on the steering wheel until you are told to move them and if it is at night turn on the interior lights. Refrain from walking in a large group of other blacks on the street, you will be called a gang and stopped. etc..
Most of the racism my family and I encounter is from what I call “well meaning white people.” They mean no offense and are actually wanting to be polite, but they are just clueless and well intentioned. Statements such as ” you speak so well” and “you don’t sound black at all” or my favorite “you are not like other black people.” I laugh and respond with the same complement right back. They tend to HEAR it then and become embarrassed. I laugh and let them know I understood that they where attempting a complement and that I appreciated it.
But keep up your efforts, I applaud you and your family. Change starts with the realization that change is needed.
Reblogged this on Failure to Listen.
Thank you for an excellent and thoughtful article on Racism.